Awake My Soul

“And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know, My weakness I feel I must finally show,” Mumford & Sons.

March 13, 2020 – the day most of our country closed. At first thought, this can’t last long – a couple of weeks and all would reopen and things would just go back to how it was. But as dark days dragged on, then darker weeks, and even darker months, I’m still in disbelief that so much of our country is still closed. We have surpassed the six-month mark. SIX MONTHS! Six months of our leaders telling us to stay home, wear a mask, stay 6 feet away, instilling fear into us with every news report. When I do go out, I see the fear in many eyes. The fear as the stranger goes out of their way to not walk in my path on the sidewalk, or they simply turn the other way in the store.

This fear is only making us more at-risk. According to Healthline.com, “Skin-to-skin contact is vital for not only mental and emotional health but physical health, too. When you feel snowed under or pressured, the body releases the stress hormone cortisol. One of the biggest things touch can do is reduce such stress, allowing the immune system to work the way it should.” So, this perpetual fear of coming too close in contact with another human is potentially making us more at risk. I’m not a natural hugger – never really have been. BUT damn it, I miss hugging my friends!

Bottom line. . . . We were created for connection.

I have lived with depression and anxiety for many years and have kept myself “happily medicated” to keep my emotions in control. However, over these last six months, I have questioned their potency and efficacy. I have been walking around (most of the time) with a cloud of dread hanging over my head. I feel it there and can almost touch it. I try to avoid the news as I notice my blood pressure surges at news reports and then hearing counter-reports on another network. I become angry, short-tempered, and frustrated to the point I could scream! Enough already! I don’t know how much more of it I can take. Why has health issues become a political puppet in a disgusting game of left vs. right?! We are talking about human lives. I am astonished that a health issue is now a ploy that each side throws shit on with each ignorant word. Shit-flinging is the new norm. Could COVID have waited until after an election year? Come on – politics are ugly enough that we didn’t need a pandemic thrust in the middle.

I know this is real. I know many people who have had this virus. Some of those were sick and others were not, and I even know a few that have died. The darkness I feel is not of fear of getting the virus but is a sadness for the state of our country and the economy. Too many loved ones have lost their jobs with no promise of returning insight. They have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Businesses are closing down. Many others are on the verge of closing. Locally, many businesses are still shut down by the orders of our state government. Those restrictions have a trickle-down effect that is impacting so many others. Of those I’m most concerned about is the schools that are now closed for the foreseeable future. Many parents who are single or have essential jobs, don’t have the means or resources to home-school their children while continuing to work. That is a scary reality for too many families in our city. Their options are limited. My kids are all grown, and I don’t have to make those tough decisions, but I do have grandkids that are facing many challenges this year, and I worry about them. I also worry about your children, your family, and your business. That’s who I am. My heart hurts for the decisions and pressures many are facing.

Should I get the virus, I hope to survive it (the fact is, it has a 98% survival rate)! I recently had a full physical and got a glowing health report from my doctor. Yes, I worry about carrying it to others that are not so healthy. But I do my part: I wear my mask, I limit contact with others, and wash my hands like a surgeon going into surgery - A LOT! That’s all I can do. That’s all each of us can do. Take responsibility for ourselves and educate others on how best to stay healthy.

What can we do then about this fear and angst that aches our hearts? Well first off, turn off the news. Then we should either stay off social media or do some major cutting off of “friends” that are doing the mud-flinging. Find JOY for your soul. One way I find JOY is in music. I am selective of what I listen to, and I love to crank it up! I’ve created a fun playlist this summer that brings me joy and helps me live in the moment. Dancing along to the music helps release necessary endorphins as well - so get to it! As a Christian, I love hearing worship songs that fill me with praise for the One that doesn’t pick sides! From the song “Awake My Soul” by Hillsong, these words resonate, empower, and encourage me:

“Awake my soul and sing Sing His praise aloud...

And when He moves And when we pray Where stood a wall now stands a way Where every promise is amen…”

I know that fear is a liar, and I often fall into its web of lies. Make no mistake, I still have days that are heavier than others. Music helps. My friends and family also help. My grandkids come over for the day so I can spend quality time with them while giving their parents a break. I love a Facetime call with my other family members and dear friends that are not so close. I’ve enjoyed quite a few Happy Hours via Facetime with my girlfriends where we share highlights from our lives. Hearing and seeing the good that is happening helps push that cloud away and awakes my soul to the beauty that still exists. Yes, we may have to push aside a bunch of ugliness to find the JOY - but it’s worth it.

Remember to LIVE. We only get one chance at this life and we can't live it in fear. Next week I will be traveling to the beach, a place that takes away my fear and awakens my soul. I know there will be joy in: every sunset, every crash of the waves, every glass of wine, and in the laughter of those I'll be spending time with!

How do YOU awaken your soul when it feels dark?