Finding Calm in an Anxious Mind

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years. The holiday season amplifies my anxiety. My family sees me hurting, but they don’t know what to do for me. My husband is probably the most chill person you’d ever meet. I’m not sure if he’s ever experienced any level of anxiety in his life beyond the possible fleeting anxiety when a car swerves into your lane. If he does, I’ve never seen it or heard him express it. That makes it difficult for him to understand the mental pain I experience. 

I’ve started wondering how I would even define my anxiety to another. The text's definition of anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. The type of anxiety I experience is those feelings on steroids. To best describe it, I’d say, close your eyes. In your mind, you see about 100 tabs open (like your computer desktop), each with the volume turned up on each one. Each one is shouting out something to do, something to believe, some shaming me, many spewing lies, others reminding me of what has been and never will be again, and even many painting fear in my mind of what-ifs that will most likely never happen. 

As a Christian, I know God doesn’t want us to be filled with anxiety. These words from Paul bring me hope, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 

Believe me, I don’t like feeling like this. At times, it is a living hell. My mind tells me to crawl back into bed, hide away, or run away from everyone and everything. I do know those thoughts are not from God. My family needs and deserves me to be whole. They need someone who doesn’t cry all the time, someone who doesn’t yell and fight, someone who doesn’t flee; they need me mentally and emotionally healthy. But how do I do that? 

To combat these feelings, I blast worship music, read God’s Word, and get on my knees to pray! I love the story of a young Billy Graham when one of his theology professors took the class to the home of John Wesley, a religious reformer who started the Methodist Church. The professor pointed out the worn-out rug on the side of Wesley’s bed, where he had spent much time in prayer.  After the tour, the professor realized Graham was missing and found him kneeling by Wesley's bed. Graham was praying in the imprints left by Wesley on the floor. Seeing those imprints representing time with God would have been a beautiful site! 

Just because I do these things doesn’t mean that my anxiety magically diminishes. It’s a daily cycle of struggle and putting on repeat those same practices. For those who have to live with those who struggle with deep anxiety, it’s helpful to ask our partners or loved ones to support us. One way they can help is with a hug!  Many studies show the benefits of hugging on mental health. “What’s happening on the inside when we receive a hug is there is a release of oxytocin. That is that feel-good chemical that when it’s released, we feel bonded to those around us,” explained Susan Albers, PsyD, psychologist for Cleveland Clinic. “There’s also a decrease in cortisol, the stress hormone that pumps through our body when we feel stressed or overwhelmed.” Some researchers state that hugs need to be at least 10 seconds, and others up to 30 or more seconds. So, let others know when you need a hug! 

If you can relate to this level of anxiety, please know you are not alone in your pain. But there is hope in God’s mercy and grace. And there is help from loved ones - if we are willing to ask and/or accept it!  If you are fortunate not to have to battle anxiety like this, be thankful. But know that there is probably someone you know who does, even if they don’t outwardly show it. Many of us know how to put on a smile and fake it.