Practice the Pause

Why did I say that?

Have you ever spewed mean or spiteful words to someone when you were upset and wish you could take them back!? Often, too often, if I’m honest, I have snapped back a hurtful reply or comment when I didn't like what I heard. Many times, those hurtful words invoke an angry response back at me. It is not fair when I start this ugly banter, and it only adds guilt on top of the anger. Now a perfect storm of emotions wells up in me, and who knows what I will say next. 

Can you relate? I am quite confident that we are all guilty of this at times. I get overwhelmed with regret when this happens. The hurtful words are out and already being processed by the recipient. Most likely, the recipient is a loved one, which makes it even more painful. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just hit the rewind button and start over? But unfortunately, it isn’t so easy. But we can learn from it!

What would have happened if we had stopped and paused before responding angrily to our loved one? If we had taken the time to bite our lip and think about what was coming out of our mouths next, we would probably be much more sensitive. When we hit the “pause” button on our response, we allow ourselves to make a thoughtful and constructive response instead of a hurtful one. 

The book of James gives us very helpful instructions on responding to difficult conversations. James 1:19-20 states, “Know this, my beloved brothers (and sisters): let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”  Ouch! Right?!  If we practice the pause, it will allow us to regroup and speak words that are worthy of the righteousness of God. 

If we trust the Word of God, we know that being slow to speak will produce in us a righteous posture. We also know that being quick to anger and spitting out harmful words is the opposite of that! We must learn to embrace the pause that we are more than capable of living out. When we are engaged in a debate, it is best to take that pause, close our eyes, and open our minds to what we are really hearing. Pause long enough to hear God’s prompting on how best to respond. 

Practicing the pause is also helpful in other ways, such as with gossip. I, for one, am guilty of listening to gossip and adding to it. I’m not proud of that. What if, when we find ourselves amid a gossip-fest, we take a pause before adding to the conversation? Pause long enough to find a way to shut it down or remove yourself from the conversation. From Proverbs 16:28, we know best that “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” Let’s face it: we wouldn’t want to be the subject of gossip, and therefore, we shouldn’t participate in it. 

When we are on social media and see a comment that we know is hurtful or untrue, we are tempted to jump on and correct the source. It is not uncommon for some people to actively provoke others by posting distasteful remarks. If we choose to engage, we are doing exactly what they hoped we would. That often leads to a heated debate that we shouldn’t involve ourselves. What if, instead, we stopped and took a pause? While pausing, ask yourself if it’s worth getting yourself mixed up in, and if not, scroll on by.  The words in 2 Timothy 2:23-26 are still true today, as Timothy states, “. . . don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth.” Don’t you just love when words from 2,000 years ago still hold so much truth and wisdom?!

When we take the time to pause before reacting or speaking, we allow time for God to speak to us and guide our thoughts and next steps. The pause keeps us from digging ourselves into a hole we shouldn’t have gotten into in the first place. There will be times that we are tested on this. You can be sure of that. When we know better, we will do better. So let’s all try a little harder to do better and reflect Christ’s goodness as we show grace to others by honoring the pause.